After
a long absence I'm back! It’s time to dust away the cobwebs and
throw myself a little welcome back party as I have missed sharing my
journey with all of you so much! I never thought I would leave such a
huge hole in my blog diary but it can only be an honest reflection as to
what the last 2 months have been like. Anyone close to me who’s
been part of my little stars lives so far knows how hard this has been
for us, but I'm pleased to say it feels like things are getting ever so
slightly better.
I
was never under any illusion that looking after 4 babies was going to
be easy. It certainly wasn’t an easy decision all those months ago when I
had the heart wrenching conversation with my consultant about how I was
going to continue with my pregnancy. When I first found out we were
expecting quads I didn’t tell a soul, I had to come to terms with what
it actually meant. It took the next two weeks trying to work out how
and if we could manage for me to come to the decision to put my faith in
myself and my four little foetuses (as they were then) and go ahead
come what may. Looking back now the risk we took was huge, but I always
had faith that things happen for a reason and some how we would
survive, mentally and financially. Well now we’re four months in, going
though 30 nappies and a tin of formula a day, trying to survive on 2
hours of broken sleep a night wondering just how we are going to
continue. Some days are better than others but I never planned for the
sheer exhaustion and mental struggle from the sleep deprivation that
after a while starts to distort everything and makes even the simplest
task seem like an up hill battle. We are blessed to have such kind
family, friends, volunteers and people in the community without whos
help we just wouldn’t have been able to get as far as we have, but with
the majority of our family in South Africa we are doing most of the care
ourselves.
It’s
very hard coming to the realisation that you are not going to be able
to manage as well as you had initially hoped. You can go into something
with all the enthusiasm and determination in the world but when you
haven’t slept properly for months it really doesn’t seem as doable.
We’ve really had to step back, swallow our pride and reach out for help
and support from as many people as possible. We first went to our local
services to find help however the journey to date has been a challenge
and although we have seem to have made some progress in the last week,
there is still nothing immediately available. It’s quite incredible to
think that another mother of quads who I have been so lucky to meet
through this experience was given a 5 night a week night nurse and a
full time nanny for a couple of years. Granted that it was 10 years ago,
but it just shows how times have changed. It’s very sad to know how
rare our circumstance and how desperate our need, yet it seems to be
virtually impossible to access anything. With Martin still working part
time and both of us near breaking point we were so lucky to have a dear
friend set up a fundraising campaign
to raise money for some childcare. The kindness of those who have
donated was enough to get us 10 nights of help. It really has been a
true blessing and at last I am starting to see a little more clearly. I
just want to thank everyone for their love and kindness, you really have
made such a difference to our lives. The wonderful ladies from `Baby
Angels` who have been helping me have not only come in and helped with
the childcare they have also sorted out an amazing day/night routine
which I was struggling to do on my own. The boys seem to be taking to
their new schedule and had their first long sleep of 6 hrs this week
which is just incredible. When you have been feeding day and night every
three to four hours an extra couple seems huge!
All
the hardship aside, it’s the little things that my beautiful stars do
that make it all so worthwhile, they are truly amazing! They have grown
and developed so well since coming home from hospital and have now
reached and surpassed the milestones for their corrected age of 10 weeks
old (based on when they should have been born). Their medication has
been stopped and due to them all being over 11lbs in weight we have just
changed over from premature formula to big boy milk. I found great
pleasure in buying their first tin of Cow&Gate. We have also
recently had the amazing experience of first smiles in all the boys,
which has been so special. They chuckle away at the silliest things.I
look at them everyday and I still can’t believe how gorgeous and healthy
they are, it's quite mind blowing. It’s amazing what the human body
can do.
I
just want to thank everyone for being part of our journey and giving up
their time to come and help us wherever they can. There are a few
people that I want to give a special mention to as they have really
touched our lives and made things that little bit easier. Over the next
few posts I will be mentioning these kind people.
Here
are some recent pics of my stars. It’s amazing to compare the shot of
them all together at 4 weeks to them now at 5 months old. They have
grown so much.
Ru, Josh, Sam, Zac 5 months old
Josh, Zac, Ru, Sam 4 weeks old
Zac having a chuckle
Trying to keep cool from the seroius summer heat
